I was an abused child.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Do you want to know why this Facebook meme makes me so angry?

I was one of those children. One of those thousands of children, at the mercy of an adult. Unable to stop the abuse, too afraid to say a word to anyone about it, because of course, no one would believe you, and if they did, well, they’d blame you. That’s what my father would say. That’s what many abusers say, still.

Many of you have no idea what it’s like. Many of you have never lived your life in terror of another person, let alone a parent or a relative. These are people that you are supposed to be safe with, people who are supposed to protect you and nurture you. When they’re hurting you instead, your world feels stifling, small, dark, and terrifying. You never know what’s going to make them snap. You never know why you’re going to get hit next. You play games with yourself- will you make it three days without your father hitting you? Will the bruises on your scalp heal before he yanks more hair out? If you pick up your room every day before he comes home, will your father still find a reason to slap you?

Will everyone else still really NOT SEE?

I learned from a very young age to hide pain, and to not say a word about bad things. I was threatened with death. With my mother’s death. With the death of my pets- a threat that my own father made good on many, many times, even overfeeding my fish so they’d suffocate and die in dirty water when I stayed at my grandmother’s too long.

I knew it wasn’t an accident, because he told me over the phone why he’d done it. And he also promised me I had another spanking coming for wanting to stay there longer, though my mother had allowed me to stay, and so had my grandparents.

You think that changing a picture to a fucking cartoon will stop this from happening to anyone? Do you, really? How clueless and silly are you? What planet are you from that this sort of mindless bullshit actually effects anything?

Do you know what would help?

Donate to a charity. Pay attention to the children in your life. If something doesn’t seem right… look into it. If a parent is being too rough, is saying nasty things to their child, to any child… say something. Donate time at a shelter. Donate clothes, books, food. Offer to help a crisis line. A place to stay if a friend or family member is trying to leave an abusive lover or spouse.

There are so many things you can do to stop the pain that child abuse brings.

A picture does nothing at all, other than point out how shallow and self-congratulatory you are.